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SedgeforRENT
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Name: Michael
Location: Olathe, Kansas, United States
Birthday: 7/6/1983
Gender: Male
Interests: Travel, design, wine and beer, movies, music
Expertise: Faking it.
Occupation: Writer
Industry: Media
Message: message me
AIM:  BANEnglish05
Member Since:
1/11/2004
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| I haven't maintained a blog in quite awhile... and I suppose I don't really plan to make a habit of it again any time soon. I'm not sure if this is because of it not being particularly fashionable to "blog" this late in what is most certainly destined to be deemed one of the worst decades in a lot of our lives - or if it is just so "college student" to "blog" - and me, being so far removed from THAT particular life stage (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm), well... whining about finals and GPAs just no longer holds its appeal.
BUT I still do feel like whining. Tonight I do, anyway. And so here I am... nose to the ol' Xanga-grindstone... writing it out as only I can do. Which is to say that in roughly 150 characters from this one --> ! I will be finished.
I hate my jobs. I hate that I work sometimes more than 60 hours a week and STILL have to sell personal belongings just to afford the rent in an apartment that is more like a glorified litterbox than an actual place to live. What am I doing here? Should I just move back home? Live low-rent (or rent-free with the 'rents?!) and get a similar job to what I'm doing now? Go back to the paper (assuming they'd still take me?) Work off some debt? Can't I do that here? Signs are pointing to no... and it's frustrating.
I think I still struggle with being of the generation that received near-constant affirmation growing up, therefore leading us to believe that we could really do absolutely anything we could dream. I think maybe my dreams and my ego became so over-inflated that they couldn't possibly live up to any reality I actually could have acheived, so I became depressed and am now mired in a world of my own shit.
Hehehehehehehehehe... | | |
| Please see my response to the previous question. I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
| Whenever I'm really pissed at or hurt by someone, I contemplate ways in which I will murder them.
It's irrational, I know, but it really helps me to deal with the pain they've caused me to see their heads getting squashed by a steamroller or their intestines being torn out of their guts by swarms of rabid bats. But regardless of how gruesome these imaginary deaths become, it doesn't matter, because they remain just that... imaginary.
I think sometimes we, as a species, get caught up in our emotions, in the pain others have caused us, and subsequently we forget the difference between "could of" and "should of" and proceed in actions that in reality do little more than make us feel, however temporarily, better. I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
| (I'm copying this from a post I made a few weeks ago on my other blog... just so you know.)
My mom and I were sitting at Sonic tonight, waiting for some smoothies. If you haven't been to Sonic in the last couple of years... what the hell's wrong with you? (kidding)... they have a key pad where you can pay with your credit or debit card without having to inconvenience the carhop or, by extension, yourself. (The less human-interaction these days, the better, right?) These keypads are also kind enough to let you know your order is being delivered, as ours did just before my mother and I had this conversation...
Mom: I hate it when it does that.
Me: Why?
Mom: Because then I have to pretend to be happy.
Both: (laughter)
I know, it doesn't sound funny, but I still can't stop laughing about it... mainly because I feel exactly the same way. Because you know when that little message pops up that in about ten seconds, the carhop's going to come out and give you a big fake smile and pretend that she couldn't be more tickled to be delivering you a couple of smoothies that cost more than she makes in an hour. And, so, of course, you're going to have to pretend to be that happy too. It's just common courtesy, right?
Sometimes I feel like I am pretending to be happy all the time. The sad thing is it's not something I'm really even sad about (even though I know I should be)... I'm just never feel as happy as I pretend to be on the outside. Am I depressed? Maybe. But I don't feel depressed. I just feel like there's a level of happiness that has become accepted as normal (regardless of whether or not it really is), and my level of happiness is somewhat below that. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I'm comforted by the fact that a lot of people - my mom included - feel exactly the same way.
I'm just going to blame it on our stupid society and our inability to be real with one another because we're afraid someone might get offended in the process. That works, doesn't it? I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
| "Don't go with the flow... you are the flow." I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too! | | |
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